Finding out your friend is gay

    Should he continue to see James or cut off the relationship? All of us have fleshly desires which war against the soul Rom Female Friend Helping a Female Struggler Being accepted by a female straight friend is very healing for an ex-gay woman. The authors of this article are often asked, "How do you share Christ with a homosexual? Only God can. Finding out your friend is gay [PUNIQRANDLINE-(au-dating-names.txt)

    She liked the result and we went off to church. The next time I saw her, she couldn't wait to show me her "new" look. Patty had visited a make-up counter at a department store and looked great -- except for the bulging pockets of her blazer. She saw me looking at her pockets and explained, "These are the things that lady at the store said I have to carry with me.

    Today, many years later, Patty and I have a great friendship; I rarely think about her lesbian background. You can help your friend break old patterns of relating, such as manipulation, self-pity and selfish emotional demands, by remaining constant and faithful.

    You can also hold her accountable for her end of the relationship, challenging her to develop mutuality rather than dependency.

    But there are special cautions for this situation. Some "straight" women fall into a lesbian relationship with another woman seeking help. Even women with no previous history of lesbianism -- but who are emotionally needy -- have experienced strong lesbian feelings in the midst of these types of friendships. We cannot be naive in this regard. Same-sex attraction between women is based on a genuine God-given need for intimacy that has been twisted.

    We all have a need for love. God made us social beings and it is common for women to find a deep satisfaction in forming significant friendships with other women. If these same-sex needs are currently unmet, even "straight" women can find themselves drawn into inappropriate relationships.

    The fall into lesbianism can be very subtle, starting with an exaggerated emotional need to be with the other person. One of the major danger signs that this relationship has taken a bad turn is the presence of jealousy and possessiveness. Your lesbian friend feels insecure and you need to increasingly reassure her of your commitment to the friendship.

    Some feelings of jealousy are common. But when they begin to control the relationship, it's time for an evaluation, perhaps with the help of a counselor or spiritual advisor.

    Another danger sign is feeling overly responsible finding out your friend is gay your friend's feelings. You may begin to be consumed with making your friend happy, taking on a responsibility that God never gave you.

    Overall, this relationship becomes hard work as you do more and more to assure your friend of your unconditional for dating my mother. Beware of the "just us" mentality. A healthy friendship is not exclusive. It welcomes others into its company.

    And a healthy relationship is flexible. If a luncheon date or night out together is canceled now and then, it's disappointing but not crushing. The person who cancels should not be made to feel guilty. Emotionally dependent relationships are marked by a clinging possessiveness, not wanting to let go at any time, even though the reasons for being apart are fully understandable.

    Make sure that you maintain other close friendships. They are an important safeguard to keep your relationships in balance. Encourage your friend to pursue other friendships, finding out your friend is gay, too. Do not believe for one moment that you are the only one who can really help her!

    It will finding out your friend is gay to spend time with your friend in a group setting. Invite others out to lunch with the two of you. Get involved in church groups where you interact with others. These safeguards will help avoid the exclusivity which can lead to an emotional dependency. Women coming from a lesbian background may have fallen into overly- dependent relationships because they don't know proper boundaries in a healthy friendship.

    I was counseling Martha one day on this subject. She had phoned me and asked me out to lunch. Soon we were sitting at an outside restaurant on a beautiful sunny day. Martha seemed somewhat preoccupied as we started our meal. I asked her what was wrong, and she looked up at me. Then her face grew sober again. I value our relationship, but I don't know what is normal. Martha and Sarah were both coming out of a lesbian past, and they had become emotionally dependent on each other during the past year.

    Now they were trying to find a balance in their relationship. I was encouraged finding out your friend is gay Martha could be so vulnerable with me, and I weighed my words carefully. I continued, "Think about your relationship with Betty from church. You two are close, aren't you?

    Martha thought a moment before answering. Even though it was hard, Martha was learning healthy patterns in relating to other women.

    Things Not To Say To Gay People

    She persevered in the following months, continuing to interact in a healthy way with Sarah. Today, over finding out your friend is gay years later, they live in different parts of the country but have a good friendship and still keep in touch periodically. Male Friend Helping a Male Struggler.

    Most male homosexuals have suffered a deprivation of same-sex bonding in their early lives. They are eager to have approval from other men.

    So you have a special opportunity to build confidence in your friend's life through your acceptance of him as another man. You can help him by being vulnerable about your own life, discussing your weaknesses and fears as well as your strengths.

    This openness helps him realize that many of his problems are the same as any man's. Not all his struggles are "gay" issues. Become a prayer partner and invite mutual accountability. Your friend needs someone to offer support during times of sexual temptation.

    How to react when someone comes out to you

    If you have had problems with heterosexual immorality in the past, you have much to offer your friend in terms of practical insights into the battle against lust. Most men struggle with visual temptation. Whatever spiritual strategies have worked for you will also be effective against your friend's homosexual lust. Enlist his prayer support in your areas of weakness, too.

    Be willing to hear some of the nitty-gritty details of your friend's struggles he shouldn't have to be afraid to say the word "masturbation" in your presence, for examplebut there is a difference between being honest and being graphic. Details of his past sexual exploits are unnecessary. He can finding out your friend is gay informative without burdening you with inappropriate details of specific people, places and sexual acts.

    You will also have to be honest in letting him know how much specific detail you can handle about his current struggles. For example, if knowing his attraction to a mutual friend is too burdensome for you, he needs to finding out your friend is gay that.

    He can keep you abreast of his struggles without giving specific names. He needs to know your limits in other areas too, so that he does not cause you to sin by stirring up sexual fantasies in your own mind.

    You may be surprised to discover how many current or past struggles in your life match those of your friend. His homosexuality is not really a sexual problem-it is merely the surface symptom of deeper root issues which need healing. Do any of these sound familiar?

    Of course they do. Many of these feelings and thoughts plague all of us to varying degrees. So you can share with your friend that these issues are not "gay," they are universal. And you can share how God has helped you deal with comparable struggles in your own life. Your friend may become too dependent upon you.

    He may become too demanding of your gay dating website singapore. In a few cases, he may even confess sexual attraction toward you or feelings of "falling in love" with you. Lots of straight men run for the hills at this point, which confirms to your friend that he's a complete failure and will never form a healthy friendship. Running away is not God's best solution to this awkward situation.

    This is an important time in your relationship and an opportunity for you to make right decisions which will impact your friend's life in a major way.


    The answer is not to flee but to establish appropriate boundaries. Let's look at some specific guidelines. First of all, if a dependency develops, do not ignore the signals that he is becoming demanding of you. You need to stand firm and gently confront him. You might say something like this: "Chuck, I can't be there for you all the time.

    Only God can. I am still your friend but I feel that you are becoming too dependent on our friendship. Second, your friend may need some basic tips for dating asian women about the dynamics of male relationships in our culture. In a nutshell, men tend to bond in groups while doing activities together. Your friend may have unrealistic expectations about an intense one-on-one friendship with you.

    Perhaps this is the pattern he experienced in gay relationships, but that is atypical in heterosexual culture. He needs to understand that reality so he will not feel rejected when you begin inviting him along on group activities, rather than just spending time alone with him.

    The safety of a group dynamic is especially important if he is being pulled sexually or emotionally toward you in wrong ways. He needs to be drawn into other male-male relationships and you might have to set some clear boundaries on the time you spend with him.

    Don't finding out your friend is gay entirely, but seek balance in your friendship by limiting your time alone with him. Welcome him into group activities by inviting him along when you and your buddies attend a ball game or church retreat. You can become his "bridge" to forming significant relationships with other straight men. Finally, do not push your friend into premature dating. This may seem like a logical answer to his friendship needs, but this is the last thing he needs if he is just beginning the process finding out your friend is gay emotional healing.

    Until he becomes secure in his masculinity through forming right relationships with other men, he is not ready to tackle an opposite-sex romance. Now we will look at the situation where you are helping a gay friend of the opposite sex.

    Male Friend Helping a Female Struggler. Women who struggle with same-sex attractions often have a distorted view of finding out your friend is gay. Your friendship can be very healing in this regard.

    Show her respect and let her get to know you as a brother. She needs to know that you are not expecting anything romantic or sexual from this relationship. In our experience, the vast majority of women dealing with lesbianism have been sexually abused. Often they have a fear and even hatred of men because of deep emotional wounding.

    Your friend may have many fears lurking behind her friendly facade. Give her time to establish trust in your relationship. For example, one woman declined a ride home after Bible study because she would be alone with a man she didn't know well. Unknown to him, she had been raped as an older teen. Respect her boundaries and don't get offended if she says "no" to what you consider a kind offer.

    Similarly, because many ex-gay women are dealing with abuse issues, be sensitive to her body cues regarding affection. Even if you are in a church where hugging is common, your friend may not appreciate you taking the initiative in expressing such familiarity with her. Watch how she interacts with other men in the church for guidance on how to relate with her.

    Lesbians often struggle with control. They tend to dominate in order to avoid "losing control" and therefore risk being victimized again. Here are my straight guy friends advice for those who are friends of people who end up coming out to them:. Love is incredibly powerful in any and every situation! A loving friendship is a friendship of God, and even though sometimes there may be headaches and struggles in the friendship, love always is the victor.

    Gay or straight, it does not matter, you should stand by and care for those who care for you. Sometimes I felt like I was such a sinner because of my attractions. Experiencing an attraction is not a sin, but acting upon that attraction sexually, or lusting over someone in your head, or having a same-sex partner is a sin.

    Here are some words from finding out your friend is gay of my friends who helped me learn to love myself. First, that you love them unconditionally.

    Completely free sex, that you always encourage them to love themselves.

    Jesus tells us that he who is sin-free shall cast the first stone, therefor do not judge them, rather help them. As you can see, God has blessed me with amazing friends. Good Catholic friends. I highly encourage you guys to love your friends who are struggling with same-sex attraction, finding out your friend is gay.

    Offer them an ear to hear, and simply be a normal friend. Encourage them to follow the teachings of the Church with sincere love, and if they fall; love them past their mistakes. Let them know God is there for them. Be present to them, and journey with them as we all strive to get to heaven.

    Gay, Catholic, and Doing Fine. Out of the Closet, Into the Confessional. The Catholic Church Cares about Gays. It is never our intention to reduce a person to their sexual orientation, even as we seek to call all people to lives of joy-filled chastity.

    View All Blogs. Prayer Why Mass? Relationships The Consent Conversation.


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    Launch St. Louis Launch St. Regardless of your initial thoughts or feelings, remember that just because someone identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, for the most part it doesn't change who they are or were and doesn't make them any less of a friend or family member. Think about how you felt about them before they told you - ask yourself why this would change just because they are attracted to people finding out your friend is gay the same gender or are attracted to more than one gender.

    Most people who come out have put a lot of thought into it before telling someone, so it is important to take it seriously. Try and let the person explore their sexuality without trying to change or pressure them. And let them explain what their sexuality means to them, and how they define it.

    Finding out your friend is gay [PUNIQRANDLINE-(au-dating-names.txt)